This isn't a political blog or a very personal one; but it is blog on women, motherhood and creativity- so I feel it’s important to discuss how we deal with being (or not being!) creative during times of stress. Sometimes during stressful situations there are no kids around and we have the time to create…this is our time. Only our thoughts are so consumed with stressful thoughts that it pushes creativity aside and paralyzes us. What if you can't find the muse to create!?
When I was going through my divorce, for some reason I couldn't paint. I can’t explain it except to say that maybe I connect oil painting to a very emotional place in me and I didn't want to deal with that place, so I pushed it aside. But I found other ways to create. I created a lot of mosaics during that time. Something in the process of breaking things up, physically, and putting them together in a new beautiful way, spoke to me. The creative process helped me, healed me, calmed me and I found peace there.
It took me along time to pick up my brush again. I worked with soft pastels, oil pastels and pencils and only recently got back into my oil painting again. And I love it again!
But this past week I had an emotional blockage. I couldn't write my blog and I couldn't paint all week! I was too preoccupied with the war going on in my country. My mind was so consumed with thoughts, there was no room left for anything else.
If you aren't from
may not know there was a war going on here. Officially, it wasn't called a war.
But believe me when I say that for the people in Israel it definitely felt like a
war! The last time I heard sirens in Israel
and had to run to a safe room I was a teenager. I was living at home, a senior
in high school, and my parents were there to protect me. I remember feeling
that. It was a very family oriented time. We spent a lot of time at home just
waiting for the sirens. We played a lot of backgammon and spent most of our
time together glued to the TV to see what was going on in the country. Who was
hit? How many injured? It was very scary, but I felt safe with my family. Jerusalem
Last Friday night a siren went off in
, I was home with two of my three kids.
We grabbed the dog and ran into the safe room. I didn't know where my 16 year
old was. I was very scared. We heard a boom -and I realized – I am the
parent here. My kids are looking to me to feel safe. I didn't feel safe.
My insides were screaming. Where is my son? Where did it hit? Where is my son?
I hope no one got hurt! WHERE IS MY SON!!! But outside, I was calm. For my kids
who were also nervous. I had to be calm and keep them calm. Hug them and
reassure them that it will be okay. We just need to stay in the room 10 minutes
to be sure and safe and then we will go out and see that all is okay….but
inside…inside, I was scared too. And when my son came home, very shaken from
the experience, I couldn't stop hugging him. Jerusalem
When the next siren that went off in
, I was teaching. I wasn't with my
kids! I didn't know where they were, and that scared me. I didn't think
anything had happened to them, but they weren't with me. Who is helping them
feel safe? Jerusalem
And then a bus was blown up in Tel Aviv, and I couldn't breathe until my kids got home that day. They all take buses back and forth from school everyday…
It has taken all my strength and emotions to keep it together for my kids. Our country was at war for a week. They saw the news. Even when
we are all affected because this is a country where we are all one family. We
all care for each other and want to protect each other like a family. We are
all responsible for one another and want to feel safe. Jerusalem
So, I couldn't write and I couldn't paint. My thoughts were too consumed with worry and concern for my family.
Now the painting will come again. Now I will express it all in my work. I need that distance from emotional events in my life to be able to create on them. Time to reflect, and then create. I dealt with my divorce in the end, as I dealt with my mother’s illness. I painted through it eventually. And it healed me.
So let us all go back to creating, to living. And I wish my WHOLE family a safe, warm and peaceful week.
Wow! A perspective on war, I never considered. Glad you are at peace (?) again and look forward to seeing your new creative artwork. Please post more paintings. I am curious what this war inspires you to do.ReplyDelete
Amazing deena. Mommy's right. You articulated much of what I was feeling.ReplyDelete
You are such a beautiful person. May you and your children be safe and have peace in your life.ReplyDelete
Wow, you are such a beacon of light. This blog is unbelievable. Such depth and light sits inside your soul. You have such strength. You are a beautiful woman.ReplyDelete
Excellent post, Deena. You have articulated the 'artist stall' when 'life happens' perfectly. Well done.ReplyDelete
Thank you Patti!Delete
בלוג מרגש מאוד! הצלחת לבטא את התחושות האימהיות של כולנו...עידיתReplyDelete
תודה עידית! ותודה שבירכת את הבלוג בשפה העברית!!!!Delete
and again you have made me cry....remembering the days of the gulf War and sooo many of the terrorist attacks we all lived through and shared anxiety and love through...A beautiful person/woman. fantastic mother and unreal artist all in one is you Deena. You inspire everyone that reads your blog, keep them coming. you are much loved ..ReplyDelete
Wow! Thank you!Delete
This is SO powerful! I am not an artist in the way that you are, but I have tears in my eyes...ReplyDelete
I'm planning to share this on facebook.
Rachel, We all express ourselves in different ways. That is the beauty of Art!Delete
Thank you for sharing. It means alot to me.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.ReplyDelete
Thank you for expressing the internal challenges of the creative process while simultaneously coping with extreme external situations. I am humbled and inspired by your story. Wishing you peace and looking forward to future blog posts.ReplyDelete